Frankly about the innermost: 5 rules of intimate communication in a couple

How open are you with your sexual partner? Not in terms of plans for life or political views, but in terms of sexual desires, fantasies, taboo?

Rate on a 10-point scale, where 10 is the maximum degree of trust and frankness.

Rated?

So, if your grade is 9 and below, read the list of options for how to reach the cherished 10-ke.  

Rule 1. Call things by their proper names. You are not 5 years old and you are not in a Soviet kindergarten, where you will be scolded for the words“ member ”,“ clitoris ”,“ vibrator ”. Understand, the words "kiss me THERE" different partners will interpret   differently. Someone will go to the clitoris, someone to the anus, someone generally to the navel. And you can't do it, everyone has their own THERE.

From here second rule - talk about everything . That's right about everything, everything, everything. Since what is taken for granted for you (and possibly even your previous partners) is simply Terra Inkognito for your current partner. He doesn't know that you end up brightest in this position. And in such a painful sensation. You can learn this gradually and for a long time, by trial and error. And - the option is not excluded - to fly out of the relationship because of some kind of "mistake". Or you can say everything at once and speed up the physical and emotional unity. Is this what we are striving for when entering into a relationship?

Rule 3. Make these conversations an element of foreplay. Good sex begins long before the bedroom. It begins with such conversations about the partner's desires, his fantasies, preferences, fears, taboos. These conversations become a game, and at the same time very exciting. And if you supplement them with your own videos or photos, in which you show your partner what you expect from him, the meeting will be enchanting.  

Rule 4. Speak directly. Well, really , stop being shy. Your orgasms are in your hands. And if you say directly to your partner, “I don't like it when you do this. But what you did before was divine, ”- the world will not collapse from this, no one will be mortally offended. And if offended, then super - you always know where to send offenders. Hints and semitones are good in foreplay, play, foreplay. But if you want to teach your partner to feel you and your body, be bold about it.

Remember the ad about“ sometimes it's better to chew than talk ”? So this is not the case. Here you have to speak, show, learn.

Rule 5. Tactfulness and delicacy, of course, have not been canceled either. Remember that there are two of you in bed and you are equal. And here we are talking not only about the wording, words and expressions, but also about how to feel the partner and the situation. That is, before you talk about your new fantasy or discuss yesterday's sex, make sure that your partner is in the mood for such a conversation.  

Is his mind busy with something else?

Is he now ready to discuss sex at all or is he tired and only wants to sleep as soon as possible?

Are you sure he is not annoyed/joking/drunk and will understand you correctly?

All this is important, because there is little to say, you need to say SO to be heard.

BONUS.  

Rule 6. Don't be afraid to be misunderstood. When we talk about some unusual fantasies, we run the risk of being ridiculed or misunderstood by a partner. It happens, it is terribly unpleasant, but not fatal. In this case, it is better to say and regret than to continue a relationship with someone who does not give you orgasms. Agree?   Although what is there to regret ?! Thank God that we found such a frame and we can safely send it to hell.

Life hack for those who don't know where to start.  

If it is difficult for you or your partner to talk about THESE topics (and there are, after all, generally silent in life, from which you cannot draw words not only about sex, but also about the weather), start with the correspondence. Virtual communication is liberating, that's a fact. Warm up these conversations with personal photos and videos, and see how your sex changes.  

Role-play, transform into someone and have a conversation on his/her behalf. BUT! Do not stay long at the level of playing “someone”, after all, your goal is to learn to trust each other unconditionally, outside the game, always.

So what we have in fact.

Sexual communication in our society, alas, fluctuates somewhere at the level of “5” out of 10, and this is even in constant pairs. This stems from the upbringing in which sex (including talking about it) is something forbidden, and sometimes even dirty. But we understand perfectly well that we experience true pleasure only when our partner fulfills our desires!

So let's not rely on telepathy, sixth sense, ingenuity, but simply tell frankly WHAT and HOW we like to do in bed (and also in the bathroom, kitchen, park and car).

Bright orgasms for you!